 | card carrying catholics the church was black. a church that holds 1000 people. with paintings and columns and organ pipes. black. black. black. and silent. I can smell the faint scent of frankincense infused into the wood of the church pews. a fire is lit at the far back. a raging bowl of fire floating in the air. and the priest’s booming voice is heard like thunder as the fire is blessed and the easter candle lit. then slowly, silently, candles are lit, one by one, until the church glows in soft, radiant candle light. "Lumen Christi" is echoed out of the faint light. A thousand voices respond, "Deo Gracias". And we proceed toward the alter. I feel like I have been transported back into some ancient time. This procession, this ceremony, identical to it’s twin 1,000 years ago. Ageless. I feel the goose bumps of the Holy Spirit pass over me as I process down the aisle.
The readings bring us through our history. First, a strong, powerful vocal of Genesis and the story of creation. With God’s voice echoed in a sweet, light female voice as the earth and the seas and the birds flying in the sky and sea monsters swimming in the ocean and the wild animals roaming the land are created. Then the story of Exodus; Moses leading Israel out of Egypt and the Red Sea parting.... readings continue through the prophecy, An Invitation to Grace, of Isaiah and a letter from St. Paul to the Romans. All intertwined with choral voices - sometimes light and stacatto, sometimes long and weeping, sometimes heavy, sometimes glorious.
The darkness ends with the singing of the Gloria. Hundreds of voices are raised in unison, in glory, in passion. The angels are singing. Bells are sounding, lights rising, and the alter re-clothed. The celebration has begun.
First are the baptisms...about 15 of them. I know most of those getting baptised, so my eyes fill with tears..joyful ones. Proud and excited, watching each of the elect accept Jesus into their lives. Remembering my own baptism in Lake Winnipesaukee when I was only 11 or 12. I laugh with happiness as water splashes down over their heads. It is funny and amusing, the water going everywhere, but laughing is not mocking..but sharing and participating as each individual steps out of the baptismal fount into a new life.
It comes time for the confirmations. Since I was baptised Catholic at birth, I am called up separately and last..to join with those newly baptised and those baptised in other Christian religions. Father Jim takes the Chrysm oil and marks each person’s forehead as he calls out their new name. I am the last one so wait anxiously. A huge shiver overcomes me before the priest arrives.... my sponsor jokes that I still have time to run and change my mind. But no, this is what I want. And finally my time comes. The oil crossed on my head smells so familiar. I can’t make it out, but there is a comforting, homecoming feeling and aura. And I know this smell. I don’t know why. But it is like meeting a long lost friend. My new name is supposed to be Phaedra Jean Theresa...but somehow it gets mixed up so I’m Phaedra Jean Felice. (I look up Felice in the Patron Saints index...and well there are a lot of them. I’ll have to read through each story and see what calls to me to find my message in the name.)
After confirmation, the mass continues. It is time for the Eucharist. All of us who would be taking this as our first time, are called to the alter. Deacon Charles hands me the little wafer - "the body of Christ", "Amen" and I place it on my tongue. It is rough and crispy, but melts as it meets my saliva. It actually sticks on the roof of my mouth! And then then Mary, our RCIA teacher, comes with the wine - "the blood of Christ", syrupy sweet and strong. The blood and body mix in my mouth and all I feel is an extraordinary amount of thanks and relief. I know my life is blessed and I am watched over. I know there is always someone there regardless of the trials and tribulations I withstand.
I return to my pew and kneel and pray. And only prayers of thanksgiving come. Thanks for the wonderful friends and family in my life past and present, thanks for the community I have officially joined, thanks to the Son who takes me as I am (faults included). The only way to describe it is a moment of total peace.
I will remember this night always. I feel like I stepped out into a new world and a new life. The trees are brighter, the sky bluer, the small blessings of each day more apparent. I am in shock the rest of the night. But come Easter morning, when I stand in line with every one else to receive the Eucharist once more, I know I am home and it real.
~~~ I looked up Saint Felicity. She was the maid to Perpetua, another martyr. Both were put to death for their Faith. Felicity was 8 months pregnant and the law said she could not be put to death. Three days before the execution, she gave birth to a healthy baby girl, who was adopted. So Felicity became a martyr. A wild bull was set on Felicity and Perpetua. It is said that neither felt the bulls attack and Perpetua asked when the animals would be set upon them. She was told they already had and both realized it was true when they saw the wounds on their bodies. They kissed each other as a sign of peace and then went to their deaths by the sword. |
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