animal whisperer

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

child magnet, animal whisperer and insurance Current mood: curious I spent the weekend in Chicago at two of my greatest friends weddings. And today I am curious, nostalgic, questioning, reflecting. Being at their wedding was like being in another space and time. There was so much love. Love between them. Love supporting them. Love radiating back to us from them. And despite the occasional bumps, everything was perfect. I confirmed I am a child magnet. I love kids. Most times I'd rather play with the kids than have adult conversations. Maybe it's because their world is yet to be jaded. Or because they have such capacity to love and learn. But I don't think I do anything different than the average person. Or maybe I am just open to children. My mom is the same way. But no matter where I go..if there is a group and children are part of that group, we find each other. I find the same thing with animals. I remember being a little girl at my grandparents farm catching mice in the feed box with my granddaddy. And there was a pregnant cat there... we named her Moocher. By the end of a couple days, she wasn't your typical feral cat... she was a lover darting into the house. And volunteering for the Milo Foundation for a couple of years.. fostering animals, helping vaccinate them, helping them adjust to the world of humans... being around animals just feels right. So what does all this mean? I have no idea. I am together with an amazing man who I am completely in love with and who loves me. We're going to get married. I love kids. I want to have some (god willing). And I love the family I have around me and supporting me.. including Ramsey and Kielee, my dog and cat companions. And I'm so happy with my art right now too. I had my first "extra" gig (where I go my first SAG voucher.. only 2 more to go!). I met some great people. I am directing my first show. I am excited to continue acting and growing as an artist. I am blessed and amazed and grateful that what I do in this art world actually helps people heal and grow. I just realized I think the common thread to my art, children, animals and even doing someone's hair and makeup... I like to help people see the good and beauty and love I see in them. I like to help people see that everything is okay and obstacles can be overcome and that you are strong. So I'm babbling on, but I can't help feeling that I"m wasting my time schmoozing in the insurance industry. It just doesn't fit. But yet it allows me the financial stability to support my family and artistic endeavors. And in the moment of working with clients, who have also now become friends, I enjoy what I do. I enjoy teaching and helping people. But right now, when I wake up, I admit I'm not excited to go to work. Acting, the theatre, love, friends, family, animals, and insurance? I don't know. So I have no idea what is next. I wish someone could help guide me to opening up and to hearing messages clearly. I am slightly clarsentient... but I wish I were claraudiant too. I can't help feeling like there is a message right in front of me that I can't see or hear. I feel it so close. It's frustrating and fleeting. I know it has to do something with my purpose on earth and the common threads I am starting to see.. but I'm not sure where to go with it. But I'll keep trying to hear it. And maybe posting a blog will help bring me closer to the message I'm supposed to hear. Who knows. And maybe I'm just crazy. Maybe I'm just sentimental and coming down from the weekend festivities. Maybe I just need some sleep. But I do know I'm happy, I do feel I'm opening up spiritually and emotionally as a person. And who knows where this will take me....