What's the point?

I am not going to lie. I think about ending it all every day lately.
What is the point of it all?
We are trapped.
In this place.
The people I love are far away and unreachable.
Trapped.
It is terrifying.
Claustrophobic.
Just let us go. go. go.go.go
I imagine my life
as it will be
but can i make it there?
i don't know.
i try and try
and stand under hot shower water for hours
waiting.
for something.
someone.
nothing.
every time i make a move i am slammed backwards even farther
back
back
is there something there
in the past
that i am missing
that is the key?
or am i just caught in a cloud of evil
and he won't let go
but i believe in light
i pray for light
i pray. pray. pray
on my knees and in tears
every day
i pray.
to live carefree
with hope
that is what is gone
the hope
it's missing
i can't see it anymore
because i am covered in so much drudge
and i wonder if i just relax if the ropes will fall away
but i fight. fight. fight.
and the ropes pull and tighten.
i have failed.
failed.
failed.
and it feels like my soul is in pieces.
everything but she has been taken
and i will not ever give her up
because despite everything
she won't know i think about ending it all everyday
i will get up
and brush my hair
my teeth
put on fresh clothes
make breakfast
and kiss her
and tell her i love her
because she still has a chance
i will give everything so she has a chance
so i know
i think about ending it every day
my soul is in pieces
i cry in the shadows when no one is looking
and i pray until there is nothing left
that the world is sunny
for her
because she is worth saving