Saturday, December 25, 2010
Almost Christmas
I get glimpses of this family life I've always wanted, but then reality sets in. I wonder what other families are like. Does everyone pretend so it looks so nice and real from the outside? And does everyone get those glimpses? I wish I could make things work. I really do. But my soul will wither if I live in a pretend world. Merry Christmas to me. Merry Christmas to my baby. I wish I could give her everything.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
eat pray love. think i'm on eat.
what did he say? if you get all that stuff out of your head the universe will rush in and fill you with God love...you have the potential to love everyone in the world.
but i so identify with the emptiness. the purposelessness (is that a word? it should be). i am strong. but sometimes i stop and wonder what the hell am i doing. am i on the right track? would i know it if i were? did i get off my path somehow? why can't i hear or see or smell or feel God's direction???
today i have decided that in one year, i will take a month off of work and take my two year old daughter to italy. that's crazy. only two years old? but it will be wonderful.
things are working out. they always do. i just sometimes don't want to hear the messages. they are hard and painful and gut-wrenching sometimes. but i know things will be better if i follow Your Word.
but i so identify with the emptiness. the purposelessness (is that a word? it should be). i am strong. but sometimes i stop and wonder what the hell am i doing. am i on the right track? would i know it if i were? did i get off my path somehow? why can't i hear or see or smell or feel God's direction???
today i have decided that in one year, i will take a month off of work and take my two year old daughter to italy. that's crazy. only two years old? but it will be wonderful.
things are working out. they always do. i just sometimes don't want to hear the messages. they are hard and painful and gut-wrenching sometimes. but i know things will be better if i follow Your Word.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
balance
life. motherhood. work. dreams. breathing.
it's hard to balance it all and still get a good night's sleep!
i finally understand i am who i am.
partnership is something i want.
but it will happen naturally with the right person.
we women are raised to play nice.
to accommodate.
to take it personally if we aren't liked.
but then we wonder what's wrong with us later on.
i hope i am a good role model for my daughter.
i hope she lets things happen naturally.
and doesn't try to force it.
or be forced.
we women are so critical of ourselves.
if we only stepped back and looked.
we are strong and smart and beautiful.
we do so much.
we keep the world moving and growing and caring.
i wish i had learned that earlier.
or known it instinctually.
but i am ready now.
for whatever comes.
to walk the path that is in synch with my destiny.
it's hard to balance it all and still get a good night's sleep!
i finally understand i am who i am.
partnership is something i want.
but it will happen naturally with the right person.
we women are raised to play nice.
to accommodate.
to take it personally if we aren't liked.
but then we wonder what's wrong with us later on.
i hope i am a good role model for my daughter.
i hope she lets things happen naturally.
and doesn't try to force it.
or be forced.
we women are so critical of ourselves.
if we only stepped back and looked.
we are strong and smart and beautiful.
we do so much.
we keep the world moving and growing and caring.
i wish i had learned that earlier.
or known it instinctually.
but i am ready now.
for whatever comes.
to walk the path that is in synch with my destiny.
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